


Burning at Both Ends

by supernaturaljackles



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Feeling left out, Fluff, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Anonymous Online Hate, Mentions of Sex, Panic Attack, Reader is overworked, Self depreciation, and hurting, under-appreciated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-28 22:21:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30146472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturaljackles/pseuds/supernaturaljackles
Summary: Jensen tries to get the Reader to come to bed after finding her still working on the couch at three in the morning. She brushes him off, refusing to come to bed until she’s done. Jensen doesn’t take her words lightly, resulting in a bigger blowout than either of them were expecting.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Reader, Jensen Ackles/You, Jensen/ you
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Burning at Both Ends

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something to work through my feelings over the last week. Everyone hits a breaking point. I hope y’all enjoy this one. Please leave your thoughts behind for me to indulge in. Your response keeps me writing and sharing stories like this. Happy Reading!

“Babe, it’s three in the morning,” the sound of your boyfriend’s deep voice filled your ears. You continued to type away on your laptop, barely acknowledging that he was there. Your eyes darted from the computer screen to the iPad sitting next to you, your notes open. You readjusted yourself on the couch, sitting cross legged without a struggle. “Honey.”

“I’m almost done,” you said, waving him off. You felt the couch dip down in front of your legs, making you look up from your screen for the first time. “What are you –”

“I’m making sure you come to bed,” he stated, running his fingers through his already messed up hair. 

“I will, I promise,” you assured him. “I swear, I’m almost done.”

“You said that four hours ago when I asked you to come to bed with me,” he sighed, leaning his head back against the couch before he turned to look at you.

“Jensen, I swear, I’ll be in bed in like ten minutes,” you stated as you rubbed the sleep away from your eye. You let out an involuntary yawn before looking back at the iPad screen. 

“Alright, you know what,” Jensen started, pulling the laptop from your lap, closing it shut before placing it on the coffee table in front of him. Next was the iPad that he shut down, placing it on top of your MacBook. “No more tonight. You need to go to bed.”

“Jensen, I need to finish,” you said, reaching for the computer, only to have him stop you. “It’s important that I finish. You’ve gotta let me finish.”

“You can finish it in the morning, after you’ve slept for a good six hours, honey,” he declared. “It’s not going anywhere.”

“Exactly! It’s not going anywhere. Nothing is getting done,” you pointed out. “I have to –”

“No,” he shook his head. “No more. Not now.”

“Jensen!”

“I don’t care what excuse you come up with next,” he argued. “You’re not working on more. You’re going to bed. It’s three in the morning, you haven’t had a good night's rest in days. You barely eat, you consume more caffeine than anything else. You barely even kiss me when I walk in the door. You’re always stuck behind the computer screen, typing away at whatever you’re working on. I’m not meaning to start something here, but you’re not in the healthiest routine right now, Y/N.”

“Who are you to be pointing out my routine when you come home at ungodly hours because of work,” you growled, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Someone who _loves_ you,” he raised his voice a little. “Someone who _cares_ about you.”

“Well don’t!” you snapped. You could tell he was taken back by your sudden outburst. You never snapped at him. Your relationship with Jensen was the best thing you had going for you. But here you were, trying to throw it away too. 

“You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t feel,” he said sternly. “You want to be pissed, fine. _Be pissed._ But you’re driving yourself into the ground; hell you’re taking a _fucking_ nose dive down.”

“Oh looks like someone is paying attention for a change,” you scoffed, giving him another low blow. It was like word vomit at this point. You couldn’t control yourself. 

“Alright, bed now,” he said as his lips formed a line. “And I’m not asking this time.”

“Go to bed then,” you shrugged. “I’ll sleep out here.”

“Fine. But I’m taking your computer, iPad and phone until morning,” he declared. 

“Jensen!” 

“No,” he shook his head. “Not this time. I’m not going to sit here and watch you work yourself into exhaustion, and for what Y/N? What are you getting out of this?”

“Fuck you,” you growled. 

His jaw clenched as he looked at you. It was the first time that Jensen looked visibly pissed with you and it wasn’t a look that you liked to say the least. You were pushing his buttons, trying to get him to back off and he wasn’t letting up. You knew he was going to walk away if anything else was said, and chances were he wasn’t going to want to talk about it after. It was three in the morning and he got in a few hours ago from a long day. He needed his sleep and yet here he was, up with you, trying to get you to come to bed. 

“What’s so important, Y/N?” he asked softly, letting out a sigh of defeat. “Can you at least tell me what it is that is so important that it’s worth arguing with me in the middle of the fucking night?”

You let out a sigh this time, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I’m letting everyone down, Jens. I’m trying to keep up with everything I need to get done for the business I’m running and I’m already behind. Not to mention, half the people in the business don’t give a fuck about me personally. One girl keeps trying to overshadow me so I have to keep up and I’m behind. She walks in like she owns the fucking place. I’m trying to write to keep my readers happy with new content and I’m behind in that and I’m letting everyone down by not sharing new stories, and everything is down on my analytics site. I have hate in my ask box about something stupid. I have another site needing me to do other things, even though I know they really don’t want me and they’ve made that pretty fucking clear that they pity hired me. I’ve got a book to read. I don’t fit in anywhere and I’m trying so fucking hard to feel like I have a place but I don’t! I don’t belong anywhere and I’m so fucking tired of feeling like a failure in every aspect of my life. Okay? Are you happy now?” 

You had no idea you started crying until you felt the wetness soaking your cheeks. Your eyes became blurry, and your nose grew stuffy. You felt the lump forming in your throat. Everything was cracking. The walls you had built up over the last couple of weeks were crumbling down hard. Everything was hitting you all at once. The lack of sleep from staying up until two and three in the morning to get more work in. The hours and hours of reading. The days of planning, and creating. The long days of writer's block and staring in your ask box at the unkind message, reminding you that you weren’t good enough. The numbers dropping, and the lack of interactions. The feeling that if you disappeared, no one would notice, let alone care. You were working your ass off for what? Nothing was ever going to be enough.

You felt two strong arms wrap tightly around you, pulling you in close. You were engulfed in warmth, which only made you realize just how cold you were before this. That was one of the many things you loved about Jensen. He was constantly warm, and that was always a bonus when you were frozen. His lips pressed to the top of your head, lingering there for a moment longer than usual. You curled into him, burying your face in the crook of his neck as you completely broke down. Your body was shaking profusely as you tried to get as close as humanly possible to him. You felt the bubble growing in your chest. The one that had you keeping everything locked down. That bubble was now cutting off your airways, making it harder for you to breathe. 

“You fit, honey,” he cooed. “You fit right here where you belong. I wouldn’t want you anywhere else, okay? Your place in this world is right here with me.”

You couldn’t respond, even if you wanted to. Your heart was beating so fast that you honestly thought it was going to beat right out of your chest. The need for air was becoming too much, only you couldn’t do anything about it. You were struggling to do the simplest thing in the world. Something everyone did without even thinking about it. Then again, not everyone in the world was a failure at everything like you were. You couldn’t perform the basic functions of a human being. You couldn’t do anything. 

“Y/N, I need you to breathe,” he said softly as his hand came up, cupping your cheek. His palms were warm, breaking your focus from your lack of ability to breath. His lips pressed against the top of your head once more as his thumb stroked over your cheek. “Everything’s going to be okay, honey. I promise.”

Your lungs were burning, begging for air. Your head was growing fuzzy. Your lip quivered as you shut your eyes, trying to focus on Jensen. See if he was wearing his cologne. That’s what you needed to do. Smell his cologne. You nuzzled into him, taking in the slightest breath that helped relieve the slightest bit of tension in you. It was a start.

“That’s my girl,” he praised you, giving the top of your head another kiss. “Keep breathing, honey. You’ve got this.”

“‘M sorry,” you sniffled. 

“Shhh,” he urged you. “Just breathe okay? One thing at a time.” He continued to brush his thumb over your cheek in a soothing motion to see if it helped you calm down. You took the liberty of nuzzling in close as you snaked your arm around his waist. “Everything is going to be okay. You’re okay, honey. I’ve got you.”

Just as you felt as though you were finally calming down, you remembered that you weren’t getting anywhere just sitting here. Your work wasn’t getting done, you were letting people down by wasting this time crying. You weren’t okay. You were never going to be fully okay. Just like that, you started sobbing into him. The feeling of failure washing over you as if it was a new part of you that you had to accept. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” he assured you. “Everything’s okay.”

“Jensen,” you sniffled. “‘M not-”

“You are my badass girl who I love and want to protect with everything in me. You’re my rock, and my shoulder to cry on. You support me through everything, even when it’s not something you’re too thrilled about. It’s my job to look out for you, and take care of you. I’m stepping in right now to make sure you’re okay. You need to put yourself first right now. No writing, no looking at your numbers, no putting an insane amount of pressure on yourself to be superwoman twenty four seven,” he paused, adjusting his arms around you.

“If I don’t do it then what does that say about me? What does it say when I don’t share new stories? What does it say if I can read on time, or do everything I need to? It’s not like my job takes up -”

“Y/N, you’ve been working overtime,” he pointed out. “You’ve had to stay late, go in on your days off. You’ve taken on more responsibility and still do everything else on the side. You already do so much.”

“It’s not enough though,” you shook your head. “I'm not enough.”

“Why not?” he asked, urging you to look up at him. His tired green eyes met yours, searching to see if there was some sort of answer in yours. 

“Because it doesn’t feel like it is. None of what I already do feels like it’s enough for some people. I’m destined to fail no matter how hard I try, and believe me, I try. I try to fit in and I don’t, no matter where I go! I’m the complete opposite of you. You can walk in and the whole room loves you. Me? I walk in a room and people pretend I don’t exist. That’s the way it has always been. That’s the way it will always be. There will always be someone that shines over and makes it so much worse.”

“I-I don’t do that to you, do I?” he furrowed his brows.

“No, you never do. I promise,” you whispered. “I don’t want constant attention or anything like that. But I want to feel like I matter. I want to feel like I’m leaving something behind that’s good. I want to feel like I’ve made a difference, not just for myself but for others. I’m never going to feel that way though. I’m always going to feel like I’m a hundred feet behind. I’m never going to catch up and be a main character. I’m destined to be in the background with nothing to show for it.”

“You’re my main character,” he stated. “You are the first one I see when I walk into a crowded room, and the only one that can make me smile with a single look. You’re not going to catch up if you’re driving yourself into the ground with stress, and anxiety. You’re not going to give it your all if you’re tired and running on caffeine and Ritz crackers. You’re not happy and that’s something I can’t accept.”

“Jensen, I have to get it all done,” you argued. 

“I know,” he nodded. “But you need to give yourself time to do the normal things you need to do too. You need to eat, and sleep. Watch your favourite tv show and have sex with your boyfriend. The fun things in life are more important too.”

“I know they are,” you agreed. “But Jensen –”

“Don’t _but Jensen_ me,” he chuckled. “ Honey, this isn’t healthy. You are overworking yourself in a place you feel like you don’t fit in. You are putting others before yourself and that’s not okay. Especially when it’s not reciprocated to you. People take and take and take until there is nothing left. The last thing I want to see is them taking all of you away and leaving behind something that you can’t even recognize.”

“I’d be letting so many people down,” you whispered. “Everyone who counts on me. Everyone who needs something. I’d be letting them down. I can’t do that.”

“I can’t keep letting you put your own well being on the back burner either,” he shook his head. “What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I did? I care about you. You fit in with me more than you do with anyone else. That should count for something.”

“I can’t win,” you sighed in defeat.

“You can’t,” he swallowed hard. “But you can choose. You have to do things at your pace.”

“My pace isn’t quick enough.”

“Y/N, something has to give before it gets to the point where it gets too bad,” he stated. 

“I know,” you nodded, slipping your hand up to cup his cheek. “I have to pull away from some things, or move them to the back burner.”

“Good answer,” he half smiled. 

“I’ll leave the group activities behind, because it’s not like they actually give a fuck about what I say. Most of them don’t even acknowledge what I say anyways,” you breathed out. “I’ll focus on making sure I’m doing what’s most important to me, and not pleasing others. I know you’re right. I’m just too stubborn to admit defeat when I should.”

“What’s so hard about it?” he asked softly, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“I don’t want to admit defeat because it feels like they all won. It feels like all the ones who don’t give a fuck about me won. The girl who is trying to push me out wins. The ones who don’t care about the stories I put out win. I don’t win. I end up feeling worse about myself. I feel worse about myself.”

“You win one thing,” he said sweetly. “You win me every time. I’m not going anywhere without my main character. I’ll always pick you. Even at three in the morning and I’m exhausted.”

“I pick you too,” you nodded, leaning up to peck his lips in a gentle kiss. “I just need some time to come to terms with this; admitting defeat.”

“You aren’t admitting defeat,” he shook his head. “You’re taking care of yourself. There is a big difference.”

“Thank you for caring,” you breathed out. “‘M ready for bed now.”

“Good. Me too,” he chuckled. 

You tore yourself away from him, standing up nervously. Your limbs were shaky as you stood tall for the first time in hours. Jensen slipped his hand in yours, leading you away from the couch and towards the bedroom you shared. You gave his hand a soft squeeze as soon as you entered the dark bedroom. Jensen hadn’t bothered to turn any lights on when he got up to find you. 

You slipped in your side of the bed, throwing the comforter over yourself. You soon noticed the weighted blanket was on the bed, making you smile. Jensen had gone the extra mile tonight. The bed dipped down next to you, followed by the covers being adjusted. You moved over, wrapping your arm snuggly around his waist before resting your head on his chest. He let out a content sigh. 

“Much better,” he smiled. 

“I don’t tell you this enough,” you yawned. “I love you.”

“I know,” he nodded, brushing his lips over your forehead. “I love you too. ‘M proud of you.”

“‘M lucky to have you,” you muttered. “Thank you for putting up with me, and all my flaws.”

“Your flaws are just more reasons to love you,” he let out a laugh. “You just gotta learn to put yourself first sometimes.”

“I’ll try,” you agreed. “‘M sorry I snapped at you and said horrible things that I didn’t mean.”

“All is forgiven,” he assured you. “Get some sleep, Y/N.”

“I’ll make it up to you in the morning.”

“You’re not leaving this bed until at least noon, honey,” he cooed. 

“Neither are you, babe.”

“Sweet dreams.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? Please leave kudos and comment behind! 😊


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